I want a simple love.
To wake up beside you each and every morning, the brilliant rays of the sun catching the pale skin of your back as you gruffly roll over and hug me close like an over-stuffed, life-sized teddy bear because you want another five minutes while I want an eternity. You’d be there to make me coffee or I’d willingly but unwillingly slip from your hold and stumble into the kitchen of our shared apartment and make the black liquid myself, waiting a total of five minutes and twenty-three seconds for your sleepy yawn and shuffle to greet me with a kiss.
We would eat plain breakfasts made with care and thought rather than haste and an expert’s touch of frivolity because that would surely be all too much for the two of us. We don’t need to spice things up because we like it when things aren’t complicated. Maybe we would even read the morning newspaper in a calm silence while your two cats would lazily wrap themselves around our bare ankles and maybe even sit frustratingly atop the printed pages to witch you would smile softly and at that very moment, I would have to reach within my chest and clamp down on my speeding heart, for it would surely explode out of my chest.
Your hands are so soft despite the numerous callouses they hold. Once I wondered aloud if my hands were bigger than yours to which you looked up curiously from your seat on my couch, late night movies and snacks our only other company. Then I raised my hand and you followed suit until they touched and it was then that I knew that they were mirror images. Thick rough skin at the tips of our slender fingers, but as they progressed downwards, your skin seemed to melt into silk and beauty, despite everything that I did and didn’t want to admit. They’re the same size. One no bigger than the other but carrying the same experiences, the same warmth, Y-chromosome, spiraling prints and something so genuine, so human.
Maybe it was when you told me that you could always tell I was thinking about something. I began to think more and more but I could never catch myself around you because I was plunging into something headfirst, no idea where I was going, what I was going to do there or how it would even happen. Thoughts that strayed away from my reach like fireflies on a hot summer night and you don’t have the will to run around catching them because they’re too beautiful, too serene, too good to be real. And so I let them float away but never out of sight. On more than one occasion I almost reached out to clasp your warm hand in mine and never let go but I realized that it was brash and too much too much too much too soon and suddenly everything was constricting.
Many people would say that it’s stupid for me to want to be protected but you make me feel so vulnerable and exposed, like I truly need someone there to hug me when I smile at something or even nothing or when I feel embarrassed so that I won’t feel as bad because my face will be shoved in your chest and only you and I know how red I am. I want you to come home from work one day and tell me that you want to do something spontaneous. Drive a hundred miles to a field of sunflowers and then run through them all, to the other side, over the enormous sand dunes and down to the beach and there, you’ll chase me through the water and kiss me like we’ll die tomorrow and we have nothing to lose.
Because I feel like if I’m with you, I can do anything at all. I could bungee jump off a cliff if I knew that you would be on a ledge waiting to catch me if I fell or the cord suddenly snapped. Like I could climb a mountain and soar off the top like a bird, flying through space and time, because you would be floating next to me, I wouldn’t be afraid. I would never be afraid. No matter if we watched a million scary movies and I felt like a reeking, bloody, flesh-eating, zombie or a masked murderer would break into our apartment, I would have to look no further than your secure embrace as I fell into a dreamworld akin to the one I’m spinning right now.
Does any of this make sense? Do I know what I’m even saying? These dark (but light and airy) secrets of mine tangle in wisps of smoke like our continuous sessions with packs of Marlboros and nicotine and I don’t even care if we get throat and lung cancer one day and can never talk and breathe again because you’re my oxygen, my voice. You’re everything I live for and I know that if you tried one reckless thing and ended up dead, I promise you that not out of suicidal tendencies nor brash instances, I would be dead and buried right beside you because my heart would give up and altogether stop beating. Don’t leave me.
Yet. I am still living in my own apartment, all my own and I haven’t shared it with anyone on the face of this earth. I wake up alone every morning and leave for work as soon as possible because I spend all my time dreaming about what could be and what isn’t and since it’s not positive form, it just won’t work for me. But I’m never lonely with you. You make me feel like I’m the most popular person on this planet while I feel like your calm, sometimes dorky demeanor is so much more interesting than you make me out to be and if only we could make out in another sense, yes, that would be nice.
I’ll wait until the time is right, until the leaves are golden orange and yellow and the water in the streams and rivers smells the cleanest. I’ll wait until my internal clock freezes and lets me choose whether or not I can rip this thing, this feeling, this notion, this emotion, this invisible force out of my heart until it kills me first. I’ll wait until I’m ready. I want this. I want you. I want the eggs on your plate to always be sunny side up. I want our hands to interlock like pieces of this puzzle box life. I want to see through every defense line you have armed and ready. I want you. I want this.
I want a simple love.
I really really like this. I can't even explain how this feels right now, to feel like these words are flowing back again. And this one is a pure fanfic. Not really based on anything life-changing for me. I dunno.
Again this is fromrheakurokawa
's prompt pictures. God, I can't thank you enough. I'll thank you more and more each time I use another and another. I hope you enjoy these! :]